Something I’ve realized lately: nothing in my life goes as I plan.
Major plans or small plans- they’re always wrecked (maybe not wrecked, just altered, but it wrecks me inside). And my poor fragile soul can’t handle change. If I make a plan, I (and everyone else) better stick to it. I don’t consider myself a controlling person, but I’m most definitely a planner. A list maker. An organizer. I have a need for structure, for security and predictability.
I don’t like the unknown. I have to know– the future, what my plans are, what’s going to happen, everything. The unfortunate, and often frustrating, thing is that I cannot tell the future. I can make all the plans I want, but I have no way of knowing what is going to happen. And that scares me. And that’s why it upsets me when things don’t go as I planned. When my plans change, I feel unprepared or clueless, and it frustrates me.
“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.” – Proverbs 16:9
What I think I’m learning through all this is that I have a totally sufficient God. He is well prepared and he does know what the future holds- so I don’t have to be, I don’t have to know. What I’m learning (and trying to keep reminding myself of) is that the things I plan may be in my best interest only and not anyone else’s. So what I have to keep in mind when my plans get changed, is that maybe they changed in favor of someone else. Maybe someone else was benefited, some way, somehow by the way my plans changed.
Maybe that job I was hoping for will better serve someone else. Maybe they needed it more than I did.
Maybe that relationship ended because God saw that it was dangerous.
Maybe the plans that I see as wrecked are really just altered by God’s grace and mercy. He may have something better for me. He may have saved me from danger. He may have changed my plans so someone else could receive a blessing that needed it worse than I did.
Any of those reasons are enough for me to say: Here God, take my plans. I don’t need them anymore.
Letting go is hard. Giving up control is hard. Being a planner is deeply engrained into my personality, and it’s hard to give that up. Being someone so afraid of the unknown, it’s a struggle for me to just dive into the unpredictable future.
But what I can find security in is this: I have an all-knowing God whose plans are much, much higher than mine. He doesn’t need my plans. He doesn’t need me to tell Him what I’m going to do or how my life is going to go. I can place my trust into a merciful, omniscient, and loving God instead of my own short-sighted plans.
He sees the bigger picture. He sees my needs better than I do. So I know I can put total faith in Him.
So I can let go.
I can give up my control.
I can give up my fear of the unknown.
So I can say, go ahead God, take my plans. Wreck them if you have to. I don’t need them anymore.
Jeremiah 29:11 | Proverbs 3:5-6 | Romans 8:28